Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Side Part, Under

I know it’s still the year 2009, but the New Year came early for me. My New Year’s Day came some time around the second week in November.

Over the last few months, I have been uncomfortable with myself. I really can’t put a finger on just how to explain it, but something was not quite right. That nagging feeling, coupled with a very eye-opening incident, left me wondering about myself. So I began to take steps to get to the root of my comfort, or lack thereof, with me. I first started a prayer/self-reflection journal. In it, I deliberately didn’t ask for anything for myself. I petitioned God to move in the lives of those who I felt were affecting me. You see, I tend to carry the burden of others unbeknownst to them. I stress and fret and try to figure out their life’s problems and strategize how I can fix them without them knowing it. Sounds crazy as I type it, but it’s the God’s honest truth. I can’t carry that burden anymore and I needed God to move on their behalf so that I could focus putting me first. That’s so passive-aggressive but…baby steps.

Let me tell you something, journaling! Writing all of my random thoughts coupled with some of my favorite praise and worship songs, ending with my thanks was the remedy for many a RESTFUL sleep-filled, worry-free nights. I felt great, but…

How was I going to start being the star of my own show? Because I realized that if I wasn’t happy and productive – doing what I want to do with my life, then my interactions with the people I love was not going to be “colored sprinkles on top of soft serve vanilla ice cream”. And then…

One afternoon I watched a marathon of The Game and…screech – halt…I saw the “Side Part Under” episode. The scene below, reached out, grabbed me and took a hold of my attention.

Freaky, sessy-time drama aside (because that is not what this post is about) it’s time to live my life! I need to dust off those dreams and move the stuff that’s in my way to attain them. Now I ain’t about to drop my kids off at the nearest police station because I don’t want them no more and move to another state to start my life over, what I’m saying is…

Y’all better get in where you fit in because Lisa is doing what makes her happy not now, but! I’m not starting January 1, 2010, not once the kids are off to college, not once everybody else’s needs (wants) are met first. Some folks ain’t gonna like the brand new me but, oh well.

Are you a side part, under?