Long before I ever created a blog I used to write to clear my head. I never thought I was any good but I loved it nonetheless. Writing was cathartic. But it never came easy. Not the entries in my personal journal and definitely not writing assignments for school. Even those quick 500 word essays for school were torture.
Even though I love to write, I lament about it each and every time. In school I wouldn’t put pen to paper until the night before a due date. My procrastination was never due to lack of preparation, most times; it was just always a disconnect between putting what was in my head (which was a perfectly crafted piece) on paper. But I’d manage to sprawl some incoherent words (to me) on paper and pray for a passing grade. Nine times out of ten the paper would return with an “A” with some supporting commentary that what I had written in angst and turmoil was actually good. And I’d re-read what I had written and reluctantly agree.
Since I created this blog, unfortunately, nothing has changed. I thought it would. Creating a blog was supposed to hold me accountable so I could diligently hone my craft. It hasn’t. What this blog has done is place this self-imposed mandate on me to not only
”just write”, but to eloquently string words together that are relevant, fresh, thought provoking, soul-stirring, life-changing, awe-inspiring and witty…all at the same time. Each and every time. And did I mention that the disconnect…is still connected.
I KNOW I have something to say. I’ve exhausted all of the “how to’s” that I’ve read about to try and get past this rut so I can say it. I totally just lied. Forgive me Lord. I haven’t tried them all. And the ones that I have tried, I only tried them my head. But you did just read that part about the self-imposed mandate to be perfect every single time I put hand to keyboard (or pen to paper). It applies here too.
I’m so pathetic.
What do you do to get passed the rut?
Want a chuckle? My cousin just saw me tapping away on my computer and noticed that I wasn’t on the Internet and asked, “Are you writing a book?” Bwahahaha If only she really knew.